Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
