he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
