its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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