Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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