I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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