im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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