If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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