Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
