its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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