I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
