??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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