i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
