Already got asked if we're dating
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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