White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
