He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
