Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
