My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
