last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
