they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
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You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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