Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
