What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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