I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
