I just pynch a tree in the face
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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