Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
