its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
