don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
