just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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