Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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