Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
