Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
