His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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