i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize