Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
