pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
