We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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