There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
