its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
