Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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