My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
