Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
