My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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