gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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