Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
