They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
