what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
