why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize