I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
