Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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