You can't special order awesome
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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