I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
