take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
