mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
