the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
