he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
