Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
