Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Panties = found
Randomize
