I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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