Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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