She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
