I can tuck mytits in my pants
her vagine was all disorganized.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My liver just had a heart attack.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
