You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
