you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You work out of a Hotel?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
