There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
