I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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