i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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