saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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